


A Gay Panic Ellen Style ft. Holtzbert, The Phantom of Gay Street and Frank Sinatra

by UselessLesbianLaughter



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Comedy, Crack, F/F, Holtzbert - Freeform, Humor, so many references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-30 07:05:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12103371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UselessLesbianLaughter/pseuds/UselessLesbianLaughter
Summary: Based on the grand Puppy Episode from Ellen's old sitcom!Comes a Holtzbert fic that is literally reference town. Seriously, if I tried to monetize this I'd have at least 20 immediate lawsuits, it has so many references. Also it's super gay.Erin and Holtz find themselves stuck out of NY, at a conference, and Erin has her gay panic over Holtzmann Ellen style but with a vastly different ending.





	A Gay Panic Ellen Style ft. Holtzbert, The Phantom of Gay Street and Frank Sinatra

**Author's Note:**

> Ya'll enjoy! Let me know in the comments how many references you got lmao  
> Also thanks to ghstbusting from Tumblr for beta-reading!

“Holtz, you will not  _ believe _ this bust.” Abby cackled, putting down the phone. The engineer reached her desk in a matter of seconds.

“Whaaaat?”

 

“Holtz. We have the honour. And the great responsibility. Of investigating The Phantom… of Gay Street.”

“Abigail L Yates, you forgot to inform me it was my birthday but this is the best present.” Holtz clutched her chest in a faux-dramatic manner.

“Knew you’d love that one. Buuuuut…” Abby dragged out the last word.

“Oh I don’t like it when there’s a but,” Holtz said, half-kidding.

“There’s just one small job that needs to be done before that. It just takes two people and at first I thought it’d be me and Erin but turns out I have to attend my sister’s wedding instead. Seriously, my entire family will kill me if I miss it, and you know you don’t mess with the Yateses. So I need you to go. There’s a conference in Washington and at least two of our members have to attend. Mayor’s orders and stuff. You don’t have to pay for plane tickets or the hotel room or anything,” The older woman said. Holtz looked as if she was about to say something but before she could, Abby interrupted.

“And before you get your hopes up, no, you and Erin will not be sharing a room.”

“Fair.” The engineer nodded. “So when is it?”

“So I’ll take that as a yes, it’s this weekend which means you’re getting on a flight tomorrow morning. I think you should maybe go home and pack your bags; Erin will meet you in the morning at your door with a cab. She’s home packing right now, in case you were wondering. I had to give her the day off, she was so anxious about it.”

“Yeah, that does sound like her…” Holtz said, only processing the sentences with the word Erin at first, forgetting all about the deadline at the mention of the brunette. She had to admit the woman was quite… a distraction. Then it hit her. “Wait what? Tomorrow? You didn’t think you could let me know a bit earlier?”

“I know it’s sudden but you know, look at it as an adventure. You get to spend some alone-time with your crush-” Holtz cut her off.

“Erin’s not-” Before she could finish, however, Abby cut her off in turn.

“Hush. A schoolboy would be better at hiding a puppy in his coat than you are at hiding your gushing.”

When the engineer’s face slightly fell, a few wrinkles of concern appearing on her forehead Abby rushed to comfort.

“Don’t worry, Erin’s completely oblivious. She tends to be with stuff like this. But the rest of us… Please make a move on her  soon or I'll owe Patty twenty dollars. ”

“Wait, you bet on us?” Holtz asked, raising her voice slightly more than necessary. Abby waved a hand in dismissal.

“That’s not important right now. I was trying to say that you get to spend time with Erin and talk about science meanwhile I have to spend time with my  _ family. At a wedding.  _ Holtz, I’m going to die. In fact, you should feel bad for me. Now go pack your stuff.” Abby spoke and Holtz, with a shrug and a confused expression remaining on her face, walked towards the pole.

Before she could slide down Abby yelled behind her “And make a damn move already, Holtzy.” The engineer chuckled lightly and quickly slipped downstairs

Just as Abby had said, Erin was at her door the next morning. 6am on the dot. Knocking far too loudly for such an unearthly hour.. The engineer grumbled, finishing off her coffee before opening the door. Erin’s eyes went wide and her breath hitched. Holtz looked at her blankly before realizing she wasn’t wearing a shirt.

 

“Oh, sorry. I forgot.” She pulled on the closest thing she could find and put her coffee mug down on the table, pulling her suitcase behind herself. Her eyes were adorably sleepy and her hair was, instead of its usual do, in a messy bun on top of her head.

 

“All ready to go.” She smiled. Erin was still somewhat dumbfounded but led the engineer to the cab anyways. She even opened the trunk of the car for Holtz like a true gentlewoman.

 

The drive was mostly silent, aside from the few discussions Holtz had with the driver. Turns out the man had been a cab driver for a full 20 years today and he had two kids. Holtzmann asked a few questions about them out of politeness and congratulated him on his anniversary.

 

They exchanged funny client stories as Erin simply stared out the window with a smile tugging at the corners of her lips, the imagery of earlier refusing to leave her mind. She wasn’t exactly sure why that was but it felt like a good morning. The sun was bright and she realized she had that soft fuzzy feeling of happiness in her heart.

 

Erin paid the driver with a credit card the mayor had apparently given her strictly for business interactions. She figured a cab drive to the airport for a conference  _ he _ wanted them to attend was about as business as it gets.

 

As they were making their way through the security lines Erin finally spoke up.

“Since it’s Washington Phil’s going to be staying with me. He said he wanted to pick things up where we left off a few weeks ago but since he moved it’s been difficult to arrange something. So he suggested an opportunity to multi-task,” Erin said with a forced smile.

Holtz wondered if it was the jealousy in her that made Erin sound not exactly over-excited about it.  _ Yup. Just jealous.  _ She told herself.  _ But I mean… who wouldn’t be? What’s he done to deserve that?  _ She justified.

“Well, if we’re being honest I’ve always thought you were too good for Phil,” She said, sounding a bit more bitter than she had intended. To her surprise, Erin just laughed. She didn’t bother saying anything more about it. Instead she changed the topic.

“So, what’s your general attitude towards planes?”

Erin chuckled. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, if I, per chance, possibly, maybe, you know just happen to freak out a bit, you think you could tell me I’m not going to die?” Holtz asked casually with a shrug.

“Holtz, are you afraid of flying?”

“No. I mean, it wouldn’t be rational to. It’s one of the safest forms of transportation. By that logic I should’ve been terrified back in that car.”

“Holtz, it’s okay to be anxious about flying,” Erin smiled softly, “a lot of people feel that way.”

“Well, I don’t. Just a hypothetical question. Very hypothetical.” The blonde spoke with a poker face. Erin laughed and decided to go along with it.

“Well, in that very hypothetical situation… I’ll be there. And calm you down.”

“That’d be nice of you. Hypothetically,” The engineer smiled shyly, her lips barely but noticeably curling upwards.

 

And when she did, not-so-hypothetically, freak out as the plane took off, Erin took her hand and Holtz forgot all about the big metal cage in the sky she was trapped in as her focus shifted to how smooth the woman’s skin was and the tingles it sent down her spine.

When they arrived at the hotel Phil was already waiting outside of it, glancing at his watch. The building stood tall in its overly-fancy nature. As Erin stepped out of the cab he looked her up and down and pointed out how late she was.  _ It’s ten minutes, Phillip.  _ Holtz wanted to say.  _ She doesn’t control how the damn plane flies.  _ She wanted to say.  _ Fuck off. _

Instead she nodded as the man kissed Erin on both cheeks. He didn’t even offer to help carry Erin’s luggage.  _ I would’ve offered.  _ Holtz thought to herself before actually deciding to mess with the man by offering.

“Hey, want me to take one of your suitcases? They look pretty heavy. And I only have one light one,” She grinned, waiting for Phil’s reaction. It was as satisfying as she expected it to be when Erin handed over one of her suitcases with a grateful nod and a thank you.

_ And that is how you treat a lady.  _ Holtzmann wanted to say with a schooling voice but held herself back in fear of Erin’s reaction.

 

They parted ways in the hallway, doors not too far from each other. The three didn’t cross paths again until dinner; Holtz reached them just as an awkward conversation was seemingly drifting towards its end.

“Are you kidding? We’re adorable.” The man spoke, the confidence in his voice making up for Erin’s complete lack of it.

“Oh hey look, there comes someone to adore us right now! Holtz, hey,” Erin smiled awkwardly.

“Oh, hi. Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything. But also now I said something about interrupting and now I’m talking about interrupting so it’d probably be better if I’d just interrupt in the first place without mentioning it. Nice dress.” The engineer pointed out awkwardly. She wasn’t looking too bad herself, wearing a black blazer over a white shirt, a very modest classical suit-jacket and dress pants combo. Erin couldn’t quite put her finger on why she couldn’t stop staring at the blonde.

“I should probably go,” Holtz spoke, voice slightly lower than usual.

“No, you’re not interrupting anything. I mean… You don’t just compliment someone’s dress and then leave. Sit down, have dessert.” Erin smiled and Holtz found the corners of her lips automatically curling upwards in response.

“Well, I haven’t had dinner… Or lunch, or breakfast… So sure,” She pulled out the empty chair and took a seat.

“Phil, you’ve already met my coworker Dr. Holtzmann more than once but I don’t believe you two have ever been formally introduced,” Erin spoke.

Holtz offered a hand to shake despite her disliking towards the man. If it made Erin happy she’d do it. He accepted her handshake though his eyes filled with a certain mixture of a superiority complex and jealousy.

“Well, just keep talking as you were. Pretend I’m not here,” Holtz smoke with a small smile.

“So anyways I was telling you about this project I’m-” Phil started.

“That’s amazing,” Erin stopped to look at her plate as Holtz reached over and picked something up, “My parsley’s just disappearing into nothing; that is the strangest thing.” The engineer hunched her shoulders a bit, trying to resist the wide grin on her face. “I’m pretending like you’re not here.” She clarified.

Holtz glanced at the parsley in her hand and back at Erin, asking “Who are you talking to? I’m not here.” They shared a laugh.

“I’m still here.” Phil felt the need to remind everyone.

“Oh, hey,” Holtz pointed at Erin’s face. “You’ve got a little eyelash right here.” She swiped it off the woman’s face with her finger, holding it in front of her face. “Make a wish.”

Erin smiled and nodded, closing her eyes. A waiter came up from behind her, holding a pot of coffee. “Would you like some coffee?” He asked.

“That was it! Wow, that was quick.” Erin grinned, looking at Holtz in a way a bit too intimate for just a friend. There was something about the blonde tonight, in this lighting, in that suit, that kept her eyes on her.

She’d noticed a similar something back at the firehouse more times than she’d like to admit but she couldn’t quite figure out what it was. At first she’d just brushed it off as interest and a wish to befriend the woman. But when they already were friends the feeling didn’t go away. She’d considered jealousy but no, this wasn’t jealousy. It felt a lot better than that. Most of the time it just went into the unsolved mysteries folder in her brain.

They made their way back to their rooms together, Erin and Holtz dominating the conversation.

“Oh, that reminds me of the ghost with the whole hat situation, you remember that one?”

“I am ze count of count of zis mansion,” Erin mimicked a French accent.

“How dare you?” Holtz spoke dramatically, slamming a hand against her chest.

“I’m assuming that the ghost spoke that way.” Phil chimed in.

“Nope.” Holtz and Erin spoke in unison.

“Anyways, it was lovely chatting with you two but this is my room,” Holtz said, you two being a bit of a lie as Phil, maybe for the first time in years, didn’t get to be at the top of the conversation in a group of mostly women. She hugged Erin goodbye and the physicist felt that strange tingle on her skin she didn’t know how to get rid of or explain.

Holtz didn’t see the physicist again until much later that night as she was walking towards her room with ice. Erin ran out of her shared hotel room, right into the engineer. For a fleeting moment they were so close together that their breaths got stuck. Erin stepped back right away though, rendering the moment over.

“What are you doing out in the hallway? It’s late,” The engineer remarked.

“Uh…” Erin didn’t exactly have a good answer ready, “Talking to you.”

“Oh, well did we just finish up the conversation or do you want to continue it in my room? I got ice.” She pointed her chin towards the container she was holding.

“I… Well, who can say no to ice?” Erin shrugged.  _ What the heck, why not. _

Holtzmann unlocked the door and Erin walked in after her. The engineer put the ice on a table and looked at the other woman.

“You wanna split a six-dollar bottle of pineapple juice?” She asked.

“No, I actually just had a six-dollar bottle of wine with Phil.” Erin shook her head as the engineer laughed out loud.

Erin took a seat just as Holtz was about to step over the back of the couch, nearly landing the blonde in the physicist’s lap. “Oh, whoops,” They laughed and Holtzmann shifted herself to the other end of the sofa.

“Oh, I love this song!” Erin pointed out.

“Oh my god, me too! “I’ve got you under my skin”, yes?”

“Frank Sinatra is just… ugh, I love him.” Erin laughed and Holtz joined her.

“I’ve got three of his albums. He’s a musical god,” The physicist added.

“No way! Me too. I mean, I’m not a god, I’ve also got three albums.” They chuckled again.

“I think we have more in common than we thought.” The engineer said, grinning and Erin nodded.

“It’s like I’m looking at a mirror. I mean, a funhouse mirror where I’m younger and thinner but still.” She smiled.

“Well, you sure seem more relaxed than out in the hall,” Holtz said with a wide smile and pulled an awkward face.

“Yeah, I don’t wanna talk about that.” Erin replied, still smiling.

“Oh, okay.” Holtz kept smiling.

“I uh…”

“It’s okay, we don’t have to talk about it.”

“Yeah, yeah” Erin pressed her lips together, forming an almost-smile, failing to deceive everyone in the room, which really just meant herself and Holtz. A moment of awkward silence passed between them.

“Phil proposed to me!” The words burst out of her mouth as if they were a breath she’d been holding for too long.

“I- what? Oh wow, that’s…”

“And I didn’t say yes. I mean… I… I kind of wanted to say yes in a way or uh… But I just… I couldn’t. I mean… he’s everything, right? He’s perfect. He’s smart, he’s… handsome,” the word came out sounding more like a question than Erin had originally intended, “he’s everything so why… Why couldn’t I say yes?”

“Yeah, I can’t imagine,” Holtz spoke, clearly uncomfortable but trying to hide it.

“Have you ever had like… a similar experience? I mean… Like a guy asks you out and you don’t want to go and you can’t figure out why?” Erin shifted on the couch.

“I… yeah, I’ve had those experiences, kind of, back in high school,” Holtzmann chuckled slightly, “Erin, I don’t date men.”

“Oh.” Erin went silent for a moment, just staring at the engineer, “Why?”

“I’m gay,” Holtz said, smiling since it was so obvious and truly, how could Erin not know; dragging out the ‘m’ a little longer than usual and lifting her voice at the last word, making the statement sound like a question.

“Oh.” The physicist paused again, “Ohh!” She spoke again as the realization finally hit her.

“I’m sorry, I thought you knew,” Holtz chuckled, slightly uncomfortably.

“Uh, yeah, you’re gay. Of course, why wouldn’t you be gay,” Erin chuckled too, sounding quite a bit more uncomfortable than Holtz with an undertone of panic as she backed away from the woman on the couch, nearly falling off the damn thing.

“In fact I thought you were gay too,” Holtz said.

“Why would you think that?!” Erin exclaimed, taking a little more offence than appropriate as fear rose in her voice.

“I… don’t know. Shouldn’t make assumptions. I guess you just gave off a certain vibe-”She couldn’t even properly finish her sentence before Erin interrupted her.

“Like I’m giving off some kind of gay vibe?” She got off the couch, moving slowly towards the door, eyes wide like saucers. “Like I’m giving off some kind of gay aura?” She wiggled her arms, laughing nervously. “No, I think, I think you’re confused. I think what you’re sensing is a very strong ‘I like men’ vibe and it’s throwing you off a bit.”

 

Without realizing it, the physicist had begun shoveling ice into the tiny glass she was holding.

“I’m sorry, I’ve clearly made you uncomfortable. I shouldn’t have said anything,” Holtz retaliated.

“No, you don’t have to be sorry. You were just wrong and that’s okay, people are wrong, people can be wrong,” Erin rambled anxiously, each word following the next so closely it was difficult to tell them apart. She kept piling the ice cubes on top of each other and the rather small glass was getting a bit too small to hold it all so a few cubes hit the floor.

“Erin, ice.” Holtzmann carefully pointed out.

“Yes, ice. I like ice, heterosexuals like ice!” Erin spoke, almost yelled. She was breathing heavily as she put an ice cube into her mouth and bit down on it. Her hands were shaking incredibly clearly and Holtzmann was afraid she might just drop the glass.

“You know, it’s like it’s not enough for you to be gay. You have to like, recruit others.” Erin mumbled uncomfortably.

“Ah, you got me. Better call National Headquarters and tell ‘em I lost ya. Damn, just one more and I would’ve gotten that toaster oven!” Holtz joked.

“What, is that gay humor? Cause _ I _ don’t get it. That’s how un-gay I am.” The physicist chuckled nervously.

Erin noticed her palms were getting sweatier than ever before and a sudden need to leave the room arose as she felt heat creeping up to her neck, her face flushing red. She put down the glass filled with ice and moved to the door, still facing Holtz. She desperately pushed down the door link.

 

Holtzmann moved over to her with a sigh, getting alarmingly closer. Erin pushed herself against the door, fear rising in her eyes. The blonde simply unhooked the door and pulled away, holding her hands up as if at gunpoint.

Erin quickly slipped out of the door and didn’t catch her breath until she’d made it out of the hotel entirely. She took in the cold night air carefully before heading back inside. She marched all the way upstairs to find Phil sitting on the bed, watching TV. She pulled him up by his shirt and latched her lips onto his, finding guilt in imagining what it would be like with Holtz instead.

“I thought you didn’t want to rush into things.” He said with slight yet easily recognizable accusation in his voice. Erin pulled away for a moment to think of a response.

“That’s why I left for a minute.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“And then I slept with him.” Erin said on the phone to Abby, sitting at the bar. “Hey, did you know Holtzmann was gay?”

“Erin, everyone knew Holtzmann was gay, your grandmother probably knows Holtzmann is gay, even Kevin figured it out. My great aunt knows Holtzmann is gay, she’s the gayest person I’ve known in the entirety of my life.” Abby spoke, and even though Erin couldn’t see the woman she knew she was rolling her eyes. “So tell me what really happened after you made out with him.”

 

Erin sighed.

“Well… We were kissing and… It got to the bed and he was on top of me, kissing my neck and I… I yelled out Holtzmann.” She confessed. Abby turned the phone away from her face so Erin wouldn’t hear her snort.

“Abby, if you were me, and you, I mean me, had this strange feeling with someone like you, except you’re me-”

“Erin, I know how to play if you were me.”

 

“Right. So if you were me and you thought you had feelings for someone who was your friend and… a woman. And you felt like you were just making a connection with her but then you messed it all up and you didn’t know what to do, what would you do?”

“Okay, maybe I don’t know how to play if you were me,” Abby spoke on the other end of the line. “Listen, just… Talk to Holtz, okay? But don’t get drunk before you do. You’re not…you when you’re drunk. Remember the last time you had too much to drink?”

“I did not drink so much, I drove myself home that night.”

“Erin, I drove you home that night. You were sitting in the passenger’s seat,  _ driving  _ home with a paper plate.”

“Oh.” The physicist simply said, not exactly ready with a good comeback.  “Well, I’ve only had a few drinks tonight.”

“Define few.”

“Uh… Three?”

“Yeah, no. Sober up, wait until the morning.”

“Waiiit, Abby,” Erin was beginning to drag out her sentences “But what will I say?”

“Be honest.”

“But I don’t know what I’m feeling, if I don’t know the truth how can I be honest?”

“Then tell her exactly that. You don’t know. That’s the truth.”

“Can’t you just tell me what to do and what I’m thinking and…”

“No, Erin, I cannot.” Abigail hung up the call with a sigh. If she hadn’t she probably would not have managed to keep herself from yelling ‘just get married already!’.

Her phone buzzed in her hand and she was ready to swipe the red button to end the call, assuming it was Erin, but instead a picture of the engineer flashed on the screen.

“Hey, Holtz. What’s up?” She said casually.

“Abby, look… I’m sorry but I can’t do this conference thing. I’m taking the next flight back to New York tomorrow morning, I have to think some stuff through and… and I don’t think I can think clearly here. Trust me, it’s better for me to leave. I’m sure Erin will have more success with the whole thing if I’m not here. I hope you don’t mind too much, I know I promised but I just can’t do this.”

_ Fuck.  _ There were only two words going through Abby’s mind at the moment and that was one of them. The other was  _ idiots _ .

“I don’t think that’s the best idea, Holtz.”

“I know you don’t-” The engineer started before Abby cut her off.

“Just stay for the panel, okay?”

“I don’t think Erin would be too happy about that,” Holtzmann said before thinking. Thankfully Abby didn’t ask any questions. Sure, it was because the woman already knew most of what was going on thanks to Erin’s half-drunken mumblings but Holtz didn’t have to know that.

“Just stay for the damn panel, it’s the first thing in the morning. You don’t even have to sit through anyone else’s lectures or speeches or whatever, just do the damn panel. Not for me, not for Erin, to keep our damn jobs.”

“But I-”

“No buts.”

“But Abby-”

“I said no buts. None.” She hung up the call, the word  _ idiots _ still lovingly floating in her mind. It was prime time the two worked this whole charade out.

 

Left with a dead phone line, Holtzmann sighed deeply. Four floors under her on a bar chair Erin sighed just as deeply into the bottom of an empty glass. She didn’t want to go back to Phil, in fact the thought mildly terrified her. But it was also the only hotel room she could go to, aside from Holtz’s but that was a certain no. And she couldn’t exactly sleep in the lobby, what kind of impression would that give people?

And with that she dragged herself off the chair and upstairs into the room where Phil was drifting towards sleep on the bed. He started to say something but before he could, Erin cut him off.

 

“I’ll take the couch. I don’t want to talk about  _ it _ ,  _ that _ , this or anything.” She let herself fall onto the sofa, not even bothering to undress, only kicking off her incredibly uncomfortable heels. She fell asleep fast, unlike Holtz who was twitching comfortlessly in her bed a few rooms away.

 

The thing about dreams is that we don’t exactly get to pick them. The subconscious, or the brain, just kind of throws them in our general direction. So Erin couldn’t exactly be blamed for the contents of her dream, the contents being herself and a particular engineer in much more compromising positions than typically appropriate for co-workers.

 

Her sleep was cut off at the most unfortunate moment by her phone buzzing and ringing, flashing  _ Alarm 6:30  _ on the screen. She huffed in dissatisfaction before realizing how improper that was.

 

She walked over to the bathroom, the man in their supposedly shared bed completely unphased by the loud noises her phone was capable of producing, her mind humming  _ stupid brain  _ and _ stupid sexy Holtzmann _ as she did.

 

A few rooms over the engineer was already up and chugging her second large cup of coffee as she hadn’t really gotten to sleep in the first place; 6am had felt like an appropriate time to shrug, give up and get out of bed. At least she could say she’d tried.

 

With two hours still left until anything started she’d decided the best way to calm her nerves would be to just sit down and think with a cup of coffee. What she hadn’t thought of was the fact that thinking about things that made her anxious usually made her more anxious, and that the coffee she desperately needed to stay awake and coherent would make her--you guessed it--even more anxious. So really the only productive thing she found herself doing was practicing her poker face as to not give away that she was floating in a river made entirely out of anxiety.

 

Erin, on the other hand, either knew better or simply did the opposite as a reflex. Her morning get-ready routine had gotten shorter and more laid back in the past year but today she wasn’t just going to work. It took a healthy 45 minutes just to do her make-up. To be fair it did end up looking excellent.

Keeping busy was kind of her talent- once she’d picked out and put on an outfit she went straight to going over the schedule and revising what she was going to be talking about. Had the walls not been so thin and the hour so early as to make her insecure, she probably would’ve done vocal exercises. Instead she just cleared her throat a few more times than necessary.

 

When any uncomfortable thought dared to try and trespass the threshold of her mind she simply swatted it away like an annoying fly. But, much like an annoying fly, that particular thought had the tendency to come back every now and then, and to buzz somewhere at the back of her mind where she couldn’t exactly locate it.

 

Here’s the thing with flies though… they tend to eventually disappear if you manage to ignore them for long enough. And if you don’t, you’ll get a fly swatter. And unlike flies, the thoughts trying to break their way into the forefront of Erin’s mind weren’t planning on going anywhere though. If anything they just got more and more insistent, and therefore more annoying. And also unlike flies, Erin could not kill her thoughts. So, letting out a sharp breath, she got her phone and dialed Abby.

 

It was typical social etiquette to call a best friend when a girl had “boy problems”, right? Sure, Erin would much rather call herself a woman than a girl, and sure, her problems weren’t exactly what was usually meant by “boy problems” but she did know that Abby was her best friend and that she needed someone to talk to about a problem. 

 

“Hey, Abbs!” She chirped, faking enthusiasm, not exactly doing great at it.

“Erin, hey! You sound… a lot more sober. Just so you know, unless it’s an emergency, never call me this early in the morning ever again. Today is the only exception because the bastards,” she lovingly referred to her family “dragged me out of bed at 6am for some ridiculous wedding bullshit. It’s been hell, thank you for asking. Anyways, what’s up? You talked to Holtz yet?”

“Do I  _ have _ to take to her?” Erin said.

“You could at least convince her to stay for the whole weekend. She’s planning to leave this morning.” Abby sighed out of frustration.

“She is? I didn’t think she’d be that mad at me.”

“I don’t think she’s mad at you, Erin,” Abby said but it was too late for Erin had already jumped to conclusions.

“I should apologize. I didn’t mean to… I mean, yeah, she’s right to be mad at me. I just… I just don’t know, Abby, okay? I’m feeling. Things! And it’s… I don’t know why… or how to stop. Like, last night I had a dream that she and I were-”

“Please, spare me the gory details of your wet dreams. Erin, I’m going to break something to you, and it might come as somewhat of a shock but you have to hear it: you’re at least a little gay.”

“What?” Erin had to resist slapping a hand to her mouth when it fell into a gaping shocked O.

“Yeah. Congratulations, you’re officially the last to know. I mean, seriously, the way you look at women sometimes…”

“I just appreciate how nice women look sometimes. All women do that, right?”

“And you’re super gay for Holtzmann.”

“I am not! I’m just inspired by her… I’m inspired by women and their beauty, I mean, brains! And by the way her hair looks when it’s tied up in a bun and her cute dimple… I mean, I… I’m not… I don’t…”

“Erin, look. I’m not going to label you nor am I going to say you don’t have a right to feel afraid, I’m sure you have your reasons, but for years I’ve been waiting for you to figure this shit out and I’m tired of this ridiculous denial. You’re so far in the closet that you’ve probably found your Halloween costume from first grade by now but no more.”

 

The line went quiet for a moment, then another. Abby could hear Erin breathing a little more heavily than usual on the other end.

“Shit. I think I’m gay for Holtzmann.”

 

Abby had to suppress a motherly happy tear and an applause.  _ Finally _ .

“Should I tell her?”

“Yes, yes you should.”

“Alright then… I guess? This is… weird. But also… oddly nice? But also really, really weird. Okay then? I’m… I’m going to hang up the call now? Wow, this is… strange.”

 

Abby ended up being the one to hang up the call, leaving Erin very confused but also oddly enlightened. Erin Gilbert, a gay? That couldn’t be, right? But it would also explain half of her life. But she still liked men. Maybe not the man in her bed but… some men. So that theory needed more analysis.

 

Erin Gilbert, gay for Jillian Holtzmann though? Yeah. That one definitely made sense. In fact, Erin Gilbert has a crush on Jillian Holtzmann… yeah, that sentence also made sense. Erin might even go as far as to say that Erin Gilbert is straight up in love with Jillian Holtzmann, and no, the irony didn’t slip past her.

 

It was entirely terrifying.

 

She checked the time. It was still too early for the first panel, which would be theirs, but she needed a better space to think. She supposed she’d get away with waiting in the conference hall.

 

It was no longer than a short walk from the hotel, to Erin’s slight distaste. A nice long walk might’ve helped her clear her head. The place was much larger than the woman had actually expected, packed with a myriad of chairs, all facing a stage with a separate row of chairs and a long desk on top of it. She found the desk only had two mics on it for the time being, a rather obvious choice for a panel with only two speakers.

 

The physicist wasn’t one to brag but she had to admit their whole presence was basically the main event. She sat down and pretended to be going through her notes while really trying to figure out what and how to say when Holtz showed up. She wanted to get it out of the way. The information she’d been looking for but also hiding from herself had just been handed to her on a silver platter and she wasn’t interested in wasting any more time. That, or she was afraid she’d blurt it out  _ during  _ the panel while she was supposed to be discussing the physical side of the paranormal.

 

_ Hi, I’m Dr. Gay I mean, Gilbert. _

 

She shivered at the thought.

 

Little by little the hall began filling with people. Most looking much like Erin, in formal outfits, looking official as can be. One or two looking much more like Holtzmann, with clothes a tad more… eccentric than the physicist would deem appropriate. None of them pulled the look off quite as well as the engineer, though.

 

Eventually the hall was nearly full and Holtzmann still hadn’t showed. Erin had to admit she was getting anxious. Just as she was about to launch into full panic mode a familiar blonde walked through the doors, taking confident yet not as confident as usual steps towards the stage. There was still a good 20 minutes left until anything was actually supposed to begin. This was Erin’s chance and she was going to take it, come rain, come fire. Okay, maybe not fire, then she’d be a tad more focused on getting the fuck out of the burning building.

 

“Holtz, heyyy,” she greeted as the engineer reached the stage. She took a few steps backwards, indicating the woman should follow her. Standing slightly behind a wall to conceal them from the audience, Erin took a deep breath. Holtzmann sent her a questioning look.

“Okay, so… here goes nothing. I… I’ve been thinking and… And things and… I guess what I’m trying to say is… I did get the joke about the toaster oven.”

 

The engineer chuckled anxiously.

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” She asked.

“Well, what do you think I’m saying?”

Holtz immediately took a few steps back out as a cautionary reflex.

“Oh, I’m not gonna say it again and be wrong,” she said.

“No, you’re not wrong. You’re right.” Erin spoke with a slight shy smile. “I uh… I mean…” She let out a frustrated sigh and threw her arms up for a moment. “Why can’t I say it? Why can’t I just, why can’t I just say the word? I’m 44 years old and all my life I’ve been living in denial, I mean, why can’t I just say the damn word?!” She spoke, not even noticing she was moving.

“Holtzmann…” She started and hunched down subconsciously, not even noticing the mic near her face as everything but the other woman faded away. Someone in the sound room shouted “Mic test!” but of course the physicist was not in hearing range. “I’m gay for you.”

 

The words echoed through the hall. Erin immediately shot up from the desk as her face turned entirely red. She walked as far away from the mic as she possibly could, towards Holtz.

“Wow… That felt great. And so  _ loud _ .” Erin spoke under her breath. “Uh… So what do I do now?”

 

“Do you want to pass me a note and have me circle yes or no?”

“I… Maybe?” Erin seemed smaller than usual, though she was somewhat taller than the engineer at the moment she actually appeared shorter.

“Spoiler alert, I’m going to circle yes…” Holtzmann smiled.

“Oh. Ohhh…” Erin grinned a little wider than she intended to, “so what do we do now? Do we just like… make out or something?”

 

“As much as I would love that… Erin, people.” Holtzmann gestured in the general direction of the crowd. “People…” she repeated herself.

“So I’d say the conference went better than I expected it to.” Holtzmann admitted to Erin as they were waiting for their flight.

“Well, the part where I accidentally said I was gay to a hall full of strangers, it was wonderful. Or well, that I was gay specifically  _ for you _ . Is there like a tick both boxes option with the whole… thing?”

“Yes, Erin, it’s called bisexuality. I’ll get you your pink-purple-blue flag once we get back to New York but honestly, I’m baffled you still haven’t figured all this stuff out.”

“I mean… I’m just new to… all this.”

 

Holtzmann rubbed the woman’s back.

“So does this mean we’re like… together now?”

“Only if you want us to be. But I gotta admit, you were kind of… ve-ery convincing after the panel when we got back to the hotel. I don’t think I’ve been tackled like that since… actually, that’s really never happened before. And I have to say, you’re a lot more flexible than I would’ve tho-” Erin cut her off with a gentle elbow to the ribs. “I deserved that.” Holtzmann chuckled under her breath.

“So do we tell the others?”

“I would’ve told Abby when she called but you picked up the phone and said you’d call back later because you were eating. I’m glad she didn’t ask why  _ you _ picked up  _ my _ phone because then you also might’ve had to explain why you were  _ eating _ between my thighs.” Holtzmann laughed as Erin blushed furiously, checking to make sure no one was listening to their conversation.

“I’m not good at lying on the spot, okay? Unless it’s to myself, in that case I’m sure I’ve proven to be great.”

“Well, you weren’t inherently lying, you were just withholding some information. Like specifically what you were eating,”

“ _ Should _ we tell them?”

“Only if you want to.”

“Well, what do you want?”

“Erin, I’ve been an out and proud lesbian since I was 12 years old. I would be nothing but proud to hold your hand in front of our friends, and the world, for that matter. But I get it if you need to take time to-” Erin shut her up with a kiss.

“No. No, you know what? I don’t need any more time. I’ve taken a good 44 years and I think I’m damn ready now. And… And I want them to know. I want them to know, not just about me but… about us. Because you’re not a secret.” Erin smiled, watching Holtz’s face brighten up.

“Well, if I know Abby she probably has rainbow flower wreath necklaces or rainbow confetti stashed away for you somewhere in a shelf,” Holtzmann joked.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They’d keep it low-key. That was the plan.

Erin was somewhat afraid, she had to admit. But she was also excited. Any response she could’ve imagined when she walked through the firehouse doors, hand-in-hand with Holtz, was definitely not the one she received, though.

“You made the first move, right?” Abby eyed Holtz suspiciously. The engineer shook her head. “Damn it

!”

“Alright, pay up everybody!” Patty grinned as both Abby and Kevin dug out their wallets.

“You… You bet on us?!” Erin was one step away from flapping her arms frantically.

“No, maybe, yes, okay, we did. But in my defense… I lost.” Abby smiled sheepishly.

“How is that supposed to defend you? And Kevin, too?” Erin was genuinely shook. 

When the woman had passed her initial shock Jennifer Lynch, as if on cue, marched through the door with her enviable posture and strangely official clothes.

“The mayor-” she started but before she could finish, Patty cut her off, pointing towards Erin leaning over Holtz’s shoulder while the engineer tinkered with something, casually having an arm around the woman.

“Pay up.”

“Seriously? I really thought it wouldn’t be her.” She said, handing over a fair five dollars.

 

“You too?!” Holtzmann and Erin cried in unison.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Erin was sure the madness was finally over. She was walking out of the firehouse with Holtzmann, holding the woman’s hand.  _ Holding her hand _ . It felt strange, strangely intoxicating, weird but somehow cozy, like coming home after years of being away.

“Wait!” Abby’s voice echoed through and past the firehouse walls as it did too often for Erin’s liking. The second floor’s window was thrown open and a second later the physicist found herself in a shower of confetti -  _ rainbow _ confetti.

**Author's Note:**

> Feed the feedback vampire, pretty please. I am the physical embodiment of insecurity over writing. Your comments matter more than you think


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